12 December 2012

Struggle, always struggle

I'm not sure where to start on this.  It's another come to Jesus post.  I have one every few weeks. I've been trying to lose weight for as long as I remember, but I am not trying hard enough.  I continually look for excuses not to be on plan.  It's very unhelpful.  I've been working on loving myself more, but that's also hard when you keep gaining and losing the same 15 pounds over and over.  I'm very frustrated.  Moreso at how easy it is for me to just fall off the plan and resume eating not just unhealthfully but horribly.

I keep thinking that I need to switch programs because this or that isn't working for me, but let's be real.  What isn't working for me is ME.  Any of these calorie reduction programs will work if I log my food and stay within my range.  I don't need to change programs. I just need to stay on one.  ANY one.

I keep telling people (because it is true) The common thread in all of your problems is YOU. 

Now, don't get me wrong.  I think I'm awesome.  I'm a loving person.  I am terse, certainly, but I am caring.  I'm a good mom, if too distracted by this and that.  I'm a good employee for the most part.  But I stink at self discipline. I'm a reasonable and reasonably healthy cook. I'm turning into one hell of a knitter.  But I am the mayor of creating problems for myself.

I've put my poor husband in a tough spot, because I keep asking him for help, but then I get pissy when he helps.  This man, this poor, long suffering man, loves his wife no matter how she looks.  He just wants her to love herself.  But instead, I keep veering off my diet whenever it is inconvenient, then flogging myself for not losing or worse gaining.

So today, I am counting my calories.  I am avoiding the treat trap in the kitchen.  I will do Walk Away The Pounds tonight.  I will go up and down the stairs 4 times at each commercial break while watching TV.  It doesn't have to be big stuff, but it does have to be something.

I can do this.  I can end this year lighter than I am right now.  I can move closer to my goals next year.  I could even REACH my goals given enough discipline, but for now, I will settle for just doing better than I am today.

I know I can.  I know you can, too. 

1 comment:

Aimee said...

Oh yes you get it and therefore it will happen for you. I spent far too long blaming everyone and everything for my inability to lose weight. The truth is I had to do the work then and I will continue to have to work at it for the rest of my life most likely.

I commend you for being honest. When we want to lose weight and we aren't then we have to look at the real culprit...ourselves.

You are right when you say it doesn't have to be big stuff. I'm a proponent of making small changes daily, week, monthly, whenever it fits. Keep up the small change until it becomes a part of your life. I'm one of those people who never seeks a parking spot close to where I'm going even if it's raining. I take the opportunity to add a few extra steps in my day especially if I am with my son.

Just don't give up Emily. One bad day or even a week isn't cause for termination. If losing weight will make you healthier emotionally and physically then keep chipping away at it.