Lots of stuff

Today, we go for our 24 week check up. We are very nearly a week behind, so it is actually a day behind 25 weeks.

He's been kicking and flipping around in there something fierce. It makes me happy to know that he thrives.

Know what else makes me happy? Raj. He has been so wonderful and supportive through all of my moods, depression, feeling wretchedly bad about myself. He's a real cheerleader. And he is the best.

We bought his first items yesterday. The first is his crib mattress. A friend had a brand new, top of the line crib mattress, and she sold it to us for a song, so we have that. I also got a pump in style from her. I estimate we saved about 400 bucks getting these things from her instead of at Babies R Us.

Unrelatedly (I hope) Sam the cat has been pulling his fur out. He has large bald spots on is front legs and belly. We aren't sure if it is allergies or stress, but are concerned that he is reacting to the change he knows is coming.

IT'S A BLUE

COoooooooooooooooool.

Today is teh excitement

Ultrasound today! We get to see our cute little baby, and hopefully find out if we are having a blue or a pink.

YAY for ultrasounds.

I love this kid a ton.

Me = Blahs.

I've been really struggling with my self image lately. As someone who was quite heavy and after years of trying, lost a lot of weight, post quitting smoking has been some rough times for me.

I had finally reset my self image as a NOT fat girl. And then I quit smoking and gained back ALL of what I lost. Then I lost 30 lbs again.

Now I am pregnant. And gaining rapidly. And I don't look pregnant. I look fat. I'm terribly depressed about my appearance. I feel terrible about myself. I suck at life.

Last night, my coworker got married. We got all gussied up and went to his reception. For the first time since probably July, I felt cute. Not fat looking, pregnant looking. My hair was good.

Man, I needed that.

The kind of parent I don't want to be.

I had young parents. I don't think they were necessarily equipped to handle the strains and struggles of having children. Especially my mom.

Now, don't get me wrong, my mom loves us a bunch, probably more than anything, but she was a tough mom to have. Her mom was tougher than that, and apparently my great grandmother was a very tough mom to have. I'm sure it goes without saying that my great grandmother's mom was a challenge.

I want to break that cycle. I don't want to raise another generation of dysfunctional women. That being said, I really hope it is a girl. I really want to raise a healthy, confident, happy, well adjusted girl. I just hope I am the mom to do it.

Growing up in my family has left me with low self esteem, food issues, trust issues, more emotional scars than I care to admit. My mom was alternately smothering and completely neglectful.

All summer long, we would have to go outside and play. We weren't allowed in the house to go to the bathroom. We weren't allowed to do much. Once, I accidentally disrupted a bees nest, and got stung by 4 or 5 bees. My cousin (my watched my uncle's 2 boys during the summer, too) tearfully went to the house to tell my mom that I got stung. She told him "that's what she gets for messing with the bees." and slammed the door in his face.

I know my mom did her best by us, but I do think she was just too young. She's a fantastic grandmother.

I hope that by sheer will of not wanting to perpetuate it, I can break the cycle.

Sunday!

Sundays are the laziest of all days around here. I usually make something carbarific for breakfast (this morning it was garlic cheddar biscuits) and we read the paper, and laze around. Our typical Sunday activities include recreational shopping, groceries, and slack.

Raj has to write a paper today, but other than that, we have no agenda. We are showered up, and I am dressed. I look so cute. I am wearing this adorable blue and white striped maternity shirt my sister bought me, and some dark blue denim capris. I might have to have Raj take a picture, documenting that I actually looked cute for a day.

Maybe we will go to the zoo, or the botanical gardens, or just around Madison a bit. Even though it is raining like crazy, I like to go around and document how pretty our fair city is. It's easy to forget how much nice there is when the rest of the world spends so much time being ugly. There are also a large variety of baby items we could be shopping, comparing and pricing. And I need to buy some things to make a veggie pizza for a pot luck we are having at work.


YESTERDAY was our company picnic. Sucky that it rained, but it was great to have everyone get together, and meet everyone's families. Since we have 2 offices, it was a real treat to see everyone from that office.

16 week appointment, 1 week late

We got to see our doctor today. Much like last time, the baby was trying very hard to hide from her, but she would not let the little stinker do this. The baby was clear down by my pelvic area (with almost my whole tummy to choose from!) The heart rate was in the 160s. It was a very cool experience, and I am so glad we finally got to hear it.

I love that kid so much already.