My week

So this week kicked off with a bang and a whimper. The bang was a shitload of jumping jacks. Like really really a lot of jumping jacks. Sunday was 300 and everyday added or stayed the same. Today's was 800. The whimper was me whining about the jacks.

The next bang was me committing to three six-mile runs this week. The whimper came from my poor, sad, blistered toes.  For some reason I decided that I needed to do that distance for the first time  three times. But I said it. And so I did it. Sunday morning crazy Conner and I went out and knocked that out. Slowly. I'm not a fast runner y'all. I planned to knock it out consecutive but Monday was a big no can do. I went for a four mile walk instead with friends Becky and Cooper. We had a lovely time taking notice of the day. Tuesday was OMG first day of kindergarten so sad old mom took the day off and ran with my friend Sara. She had no schedule or agenda and was just there for me. It was perfect. Six miles and one to go.  Wednesday was guilt day but more on that later. Thursday after work was my day. Hydrated all day and home long enough to put on my sports bra and my sneakers. I start off slowly and stay that way but meander my way around the neighborhood ticking off miles little by little. It was a pleasure although some of the actual miles felt rough. By the end of mile six my aforementioned blistered toes were voting to secede from their union with my body. But I did it. Goal met. Five points for me!

Guilt day. Dev had a fever. Dev had a cough. We treated symptoms but didn't really worry because he was acting fine. Not remotely like a sick person. Saturday morning we all did Color Me Rad. We get home. Whoa. Biiig fever. Give my little busy some Motrin and on with our day. Not acting sick. Sunday sick off and on. Monday same. Tuesday no fever so off to kindergarten we go. Mention to the teacher that he's not feeling perfect. Get a call from the nurse that he was in but not acting sick so she sent him back to class. We pick him up and take him to urgent care. Oh, have we met? Worst mom ever. My kid has pneumonia. Ten seconds after his first dose of his antibiotics and he's so much better.
I'm going to feel better about this in about a dozen years.

Moving into next week. My goal for this week is active recovery. Run our walk with Conner six days. Happy mom, happy dog.

Keep moving forward everyone.

Trying out blogger for the tablet, Weekly and Monthly goals +Challenge

My laptop had been functioning just fine until Thursday when it wouldn't boot. It hasn't booted since. My husband's computer is usually occupied by him, so my screen time is vastly diminished. This is a good thing as my first 10k is in less than a month. I've been struggling with my runs lately, so I devised a new plan. At least twice this week, I will go out and cover at least six miles on my feet. On off days I will work on my legs and back and core.

I've downloaded a Tabata timer and set it for 12 intervals of 5 minutes running/one minute walking. It is my hope that this will allow me to get the six miles under my belt. If I can keep this up I should be ready for the 10k by the end of the month.

Because I'm posting this blog from my tablet I can use voice recognition to type. This is super cool. The only thing is I don't always speak clearly enough and sometimes voice recognition thinks I said something kinda weird. I mean, I usually am saying something weird but not the way it thinks.

I met and exceeded my  goal to run 40 miles in the month of August. I'm really really proud of this. It was in no way easy for me but what it did was prove to myself that I'm far stronger than I think.

For the month of September it is my intention to continue the training program by running three days per week, to track my food every single day even when I don't want to, do at least 15 minutes of yoga focusing primarily on my back my legs and my hips, and to stay within my calorie range at least 5 days per week.

I'm in a fall challenge with my trainer so I will have lots of other goals to me throughout the month too. I'm looking forward to this new challenge and I'm feeling pretty good about myself despite the fact that I still haven't lost any weight. I met with my trainer at the end of last week and had a fat caliper test. I've lost inches just about everywhere and I have definitely lost fat everywhere. Seeing that has made it far less painful that I have actually gained 4 pounds since I started working with her at the beginning of the year.

The fall challenge requires me to make a weekly goal. For me this weeks goal is to do three six mile interval run walks.

I'm still really struggling with my food but I feel like I'm stronger and better. I know that if I keep staying the course I will eventually reach my goals. I just need to get my food in line.  This challenge should help me with that.

Be well, everyone. I hope you're also also moving towards making yourselves proud and meeting your goals.

My week.

Stuff I did this week.

Bootcamp, twice.  I really enjoyed it, too.  I needed a good run with bootcamps, because last week, I was ready to quit.  I was doing whole thirty and I would run completely out of energy before it was over.  There were a lot of factors at play here, but I think not having any non-fruit carbs was really kicking my butt.  I brought some Ezekiel bread back in and I've now got enough energy to make it through about 90 minutes of strenuous exercise.

3 training runs.  Sunday morning's run was ok, I really struggled on Wednesday- had to keep talking myself through it until I finished and today's run was an absolute dream.  I loved every second.  One of my BFFs met me for the last half-mile or so and it was such a joy to see her pretty face and hear her ramp it up beside me.  I've come a long way.  I can now run and talk a little at the same time.  It used to be that I needed to spend ALL of my attention on watching my breathing.  I'm really starting to think I can run these 10Ks.  Total mileage for the week was 13.11.  That's 3 3.5 mile runs and a shorty before bootcamp on Tuesday.

Not knit.  I've got projects on deck, really I do, but I keep turning my head away from them.  They are pretty much all straight knitting and that's so damned boring that I just want to do something else.  I need to stop, because I can't pick up something more interesting until I have these things off the needles. BECAUSE I SAY SO.

Ran a webinar.  At work, I've taken over running our team's weekly webinar.  I get a good amount of stage fright, but I am getting more confident week by week.  I'm starting to get to a place where I believe I can be good at it.  That's a good place to be.

Boxing class.  I LOVE TO BOX.  REALLY REALLY.  Something about boxing class makes me feel like all is well in the world for at least 3 hours after.  A friend I haven't seen for too long came to class today for the first time and she seemed to enjoy it.  This makes me happy.  Everyone should hit some stuff once a week.  It's good for the soul.

Counted calories- Even when it was inconvenient.  I may not lose weight this week.  I really can't be arsed to care too much.  But if I don't, it won't be because I didn't make myself accountable. 

All in all, I am really great with where I am.  I had an epiphany today.   I honestly don't care if I stay this weight forever, so long as this body will allow me to do the things I want to do.  I want to fuel it with healthy foods, do a better job of getting enough sleep and keep pushing myself to be better, faster, and stronger.  I am not defined by what the scale says.  Do I wish I looked better? Sure.  I think we all have that voice in our heads telling us to feel a certain way about ourselves.  But I am taking myself back from that voice.  I may not always feel this way, but today I do.  And I would like to feel this way tomorrow.  And that's a really, really great start.

So, how the heck are you?

I signed up to do what?

Last night, I went on a race registration spree.

I have 5 events coming up and am now registered for 4 of them.

The first, Color Me Rad, will be walked with Raj and Deven.  I did this race last year and it was FUN FUN FUN!  I can't wait to get all messy!  That's August 31.

Coming up after my fellow Warriors and I will Run Back to the 80s on September 17.  We are planning on dressing like 80s TV show.  I'm thinking of Mama from Mama's family or maybe something from Facts of Life.

Coming up right after that is probably the one I am most scared of.  On September 29, I am going to run the Zoo Run Run 10k. This will be my longest ever race.  I'm nervous but I've got this.  YES I CAN.

After that, I registered for Gilda's Run 10k to benefit Gilda's Club on October 13- supporting people with cancer.

I am also doing a 12 mile moonlit walk at some point in October.  I might also add the haunted hustle and a Thanksgiving run (or 2) but for now, this is what I'm up to!

My weight isn't changing.  I'm still gaining and losing the same 5 lbs.  I need to just stay the course, track my food and try not to eat more than 1/2 of my exercise calories.  I've got this.  I know what to do, I just have to do it.

25 Minutes and Then Some

So last night it was my night to do C25k.  It's week 7, so warm up- run 25 minutes, cool down.  I don't want to say it was easy, necessarily, but I kept my head in the game and I did it without much difficulty.  I need to start pushing myself on the hill front more.  I've never met a race yet that didn't have at least one very substantial hill.  I don't want to be defeated by some little hill, you know? 

When I got home, I did something I've been thinking about doing for months.  Deven keeps mentioning that he wants to run with me. But 4 is too little, right?  Well, I decided that when I finished my 'big' run, I would take him out on a 'little' run.  So I queued up the week 1 podcast and off we went.  We talked and talked while we did our warm up walk.  We discussed fall, Halloween decorations and the neighborhood.  Soon enough, it was time for our first 60 second run.  Mind you, I just got back from about a 2.5 mile run, so I was kind of beat, actually. 

He did great.  I kept reminding him that we had a lot of running ahead of us, so don't go too fast.  He REALLY wanted to turn on the afterburners, but he listened to me and settled into a nice pace.  Soon enough, it was time to walk again.  He started complaining that he was tired.  I told him that you get the best results if you keep working when things get hard.  I could see that rolling around in his little four year old mind and he seemed to like that, because he just kept plugging.  If he'd said "Mom, I am really tired" we'd have headed home, but I want to squash the thing inside him that wants to quit when things get hard.  I want him to be someone who pushes through things and does what he needs to do, whether in school, in fitness, in life.   My tiredness evaporated as we ran, and I could have gone on like that for hours.  We did 8 total one minute runs and we really had a fun time. I'd go so far to say it is the most fun run I've ever had.

We got home, my husband gave Deven a bath while I finished up dinner. An easy meal night- packaged Indian food over brown basmati rice.  As a special treat, I made some pudding for Deven and thawed some frozen blueberries and cherries  and had half a serving of vanilla pudding for dessert.  He was in such a great mood.  I don't know if it was the special time with mom, the endorphins from running or both, but it was really great.

When I tucked Deven in bed last night, I asked him, as I often do, what his favorite part of they day was.  He said it was running with me, seeing the Halloween Decorations through the neighborhood and seeing a gargoyle on the trail we ran on.  I told him that running with him was my favorite part of the day, too. 

He gave me a big hug and settled in for a good night's sleep.

All in all, I feel like I am on track for where I need to be, weight loss wise.  I'm trying to change my mindset where I need to lose 2 lbs every single week. I don't. I just need to live healthfully, burn more than I eat and keep notching it down., little by little.

I feel like I am in a pretty healthy place.

How are you all?

*this post was moved over from my old blog.  All comments are lost.

My Life Lately

I've been trying to take some time to enjoy life.  I've been working on that eternal struggle- not celebrating with food, not medicating with food.

This past weekend with my family, the emotions were raw.  We all feel protective of my little sister.  She's the kindest of us, but she's also the most brittle in a way.  Her self esteem has been whittled down to nothing and it wasn't too strong to begin with.  Despite that  fact that she's one of the kindest hearts you'd ever wish to know, that she has a capacity for love that few people can match, that she's nearly pure good.  Maybe because of it. I don't know.  But what I know is that her pain is my pain.  I'd take it all from her if I could.   If I could impart any knowledge to her, it would be how strong she is.  She's been holding a marriage together singlehandedly for several years, raising three kids virtually by herself, working and going to school.  She's been trying to sell one house and remodel another.  She's amazing.  She's kind.  Her smile will make anyone smile.  Swear it.

That being said, I veered wildly from my usual more conservative style of eating. (Like I always do when I am in Iowa)  We ate comfort food, pure and simple.  Mac and Cheese, Pizza, Monkey Bread. Donuts.  Normally, I come home from Iowa about 6 pounds heavier, but this time, one day out, I'm up only about 1 lb.  I'm sure if I buckle down, I will be back into losing territory soon.  I need to be.

I went out on a 25 minute run last night. OH MAN was that ever a slog.  I did fine, I really did, but it was exhausting.  The dog was an idiot without interruption and I forgot to breathe correctly and that is so key.  My runs just don't work for me without good, measured breathing.  I got myself through it by sheer will, but it was sooooo hard.

Inconveniently, I have a 5K (Color Me Rad!)  scheduled for this coming weekend.  I'm not ready for it, but I will run as much as I can.  I honestly think I can run the full thing.  I can just slow down and drive it home.  We shall see. I will do my best.

After the run, we plan to go to a farm, feed some goats, enjoy some Apple Cider Donuts and Cider- some good clean farm fun. 

On Sunday, we have a 5K for Autism scheduled. This one is a walk.  I'm looking forward to this, too.  One of our good friends has two children with Autism so this is a favorite cause. 

Looking forward to Sunday weigh in.  I'm anticipating a good one.

*this blog moved from my old blog. 

Celebrating Victories as They Happen

This cold has been kicking my ass hard.  I put off my Week 5 Day 3 run for quite some time.  But then I decided it was time to just do it.  My chest is still heavy, my cough is still intense, but I came home from work, put on my sports bra, laced up my running shoes and grabbed my phone, I turned on the podcast and hit the sidewalks with my trusty puppy.

The first few feet were rough.  The dog was spazzy and had to be talked to and I'm the kind of runner that has to count steps and breaths, to be honest. Without the count, I don't really have the lung capacity to run.  I can't run with chatty friends.  If I do, I will be walking within a mile.  With the cold, I REALLY had to focus on keeping my breathing controlled.  I was tired, dude.  I mean tired before I left the house.  I just kept putting one foot in front of the other.  Just kept counting one-two-three-four in and one-two-three-four out.  My podcast advised I had gone 5 minutes and I thought, "What? Already?" I had hit a pretty decent stride and was eager to just keep running.   Then she announced ten minutes and I thought, "You know what?  I can do this!"   Then my dog saw my neighbor's dog.  And my neighbor's dog (Blitzen) is a badass.  A German Shepard that doesn't much care for other dogs.(understatement)  So Blitzen starts barking his head off, Conner starts acting like an idiot, lunging for Blitzen and I am trying to pull my poor dog across the street with a car coming because I don't feel like burying my dog today after Blitzen rips his freaking head off.  OF COURSE I forget to count.  And I turn on the afterburner and I sprint like two blocks to get the hell away from them.  The Blitzen has already forgotten about Conner and is barking at another neighborhood dog, but Conner is trying to rip my arm off to get to all the spots where Blitzen might have peed.  HELLO? I AM RUNNING HERE, JACKASS.  Anyway, with the sprinting, the idiot dog, the psychopath dog, etc, I ended up really burning up a lot of my energy and my breathing was really labored.  The podcast announces that I have 5 minutes to go.  Shit. I can't breathe.  How am I going to make it five more minutes? I slow down a little. I make myself pick my feet up a little higher.  I take note of a pain in my low back on the right.  I focus for a minute on my posture, check out my shadow, notice I am slouching.  Berate myself for sucky posture.  Advise myself that that isn't helpful in the slightest.  Straighten back and shoulders and soldier on. Keep counting breaths.  Say "holy shit, this is the longest five minutes in history"  out loud. Wince in the direction of a little park, notice there are no children at play and just keep running.  Podcast announces I have two minutes left.  Quicken my pace a little.  Try to plan my route.  The dog has other ideas.   So I turn the opposite of where he wants to go, because I am in charge, right?  Head for the highway. And time is up.  Say to myself "well, that wasn't so bad." 

I've apparently developed some last five minute amnesia.  I mean I remember sucking air, wondering how long before I give up and walk.  I was feeling that low back pain and I wanted to quit.  But I straightened up, counted my breaths and I finished all twenty minutes.

I knew I could do it. I am feeling so proud.

My Fitness Pal Pros and Cons

I'm on my second day of relying only on My Fitness Pal.  I have a couple of friends that are using this as a way to track their intake, plus one of my readers tracks her food there.  If you are also using My Fitness Pal- Feel free to friend me. I am emilythegood there :)

Some things I really like about My Fitness Pal-
*The mobile app.  SOOOO much stronger than the very terrible Droid version of the Weight Watchers app
*The dashboard.  I love being able to see what my friends are up to at a glance. I also love that it lets my friends know when I haven't been on for a while and encourages them to send me encouragement. 
*It also provides a forum for me to encourage my friends and family.
*It lets me decide which nutrients I think are important to track.  I'm taking a run at reducing my sugar.  I don't have any sugar problems, per se, but I feel like even for fruit sugars, I probably eat far more than is reasonable.
*It's free
*HUGE database
*no huge pile of bonus calories that I feel obligated to burn through

Some things I am on the fence about-
*No meetings.  I am hoping that the dashboard feature kind of acts like a meeting but we will see.
*I kind of think the recipe section sucks.


That's really it.  I am feeling good(ish)  I'm counting my calories, taking it day by day.  I am still fighting this chest cold, but I think I am going to resume my run training as I really want to run a good portion of Color Me Rad.  I can't wait to write reviews of that event.

This coming weekend, I have no events, but on Saturday, 10/6  I am doing the Des Moines Get Your Rear In Gear event.  This is a really important event for me, because my sister in law lives in central Iowa and is a Stage IV Colon Cancer Survivor. 

On 10/13, I have Color Me Rad.  On 10/14 I have the Autism walk.  My collection of events this year is largely walks.  This is by design because I am not in run shape, but I need to get into run shape, because my high school friend, Cherie, said she wants to run a half marathon with me.  I have A LOT of training to get there, but I think I can.

I just want to keep making the small changes in my lifestyle to enable me to be the me I deserve to be.   I know I can, little by little.

But give me a nudge if you think I'm not, ok?

A Successful Day

I've been feeling sick.  My cold has settled into my chest and my chest feels very heavy.  I had a run scheduled tonight, but I was going to skip it.  I was going to just walk tonight and run tomorrow.  But when I got home, I went to the rest room and found myself putting on my running gear.  To be honest, I've been making excuses for not running all week.  But all week I've been pushing past my excuses and doing what needs to be done.

I decided that I would just listen to my body.  I ran and counted my breaths and listened to my podcast and did what I was told.  Crazy Conner had to poop in the middle of run one (actually with about 90 seconds to go in the run, )  I stopped to pick up his poop and was on my way again.  I did my cool down walk and picked back up when my podcast said to.  I ran, I counted breaths, I did my thing.  I got a good cough going at about 4 minutes, but I kept running.  My podcast announced one minute to go.  It was a hard minute.  But still I ran.  I picked my knees up a little higher.  I pushed a little harder.  And it was time to walk.  I did it.  Even though I didn't want to.

I used a good number of extra points today.  That's ok.  I had them to use. I'm pleased with my day overall.  I needed the fuel today. 

I think this is a healthy way of looking at everything right now.  I'm grateful for everyone's support and wisdom.

I feel inspired to be better because of you all.  And that's the whole point of this blog.

I hope you all had a great day!
Best,
Emily

Last Night's Run

Left me feeling really empowered.   I went out with the dumb dog and pushed.  It was 3 five minute runs  with three minute walks in between.  It actually went really easy.  It was my first run with the dog since his accident so I was really worried that he would start limping during the run, but he was super happy to be out. 

All told, I did my short run and that 15 minute cardio work out plus got all my good health guidelines in.  Not bad. Not bad at all.

Today, I started my day with some overnight oats.  I have a healthy lunch packed.  Same dinner as last night.

Doing well with all of my good health guidelines.  Just making one good choice at a time, trying to forgive myself for any bad choices.

YES I CAN.

Hope you are all doing great, too.
Best,
Emily

Yesterday

I have a different philosophy about Sunday.  On Sunday, I relax the whole plan, but I do have to document my food.  I don't do formal exercise, but I do have to stay active.

Yesterday morning, I got up, went to Weight Watchers, got my head screwed on straight again and came home.  I played a video game with Dev and Raj for a while and we went to our favorite Mexican restaurant for lunch. I always get the same thing, the Taco Loco (made vegetarian)  It's kind of like a taco salad.  It has beans, lettuce, fajita veg, pico de gallo, a smattering of cheese some sour cream, radishes and green olives- all in a spinach tortilla.  I never know how to count it, so I always count it like a taco salad.  (about 17-18 points)  I also carefully counted out my 16 chips and put them on the napkin so that I knew that was my serving of chips and I got no additional chips.

After that, we ran home and dropped off our leftovers, pat the dog on the head and headed down town to a street festival.  We parked near a park, so we let Deven play on the play structure for a while.  We walked around, bought a comic book for Deven, watched a children's band play a couple of songs, watched a couple of guys blow glass and headed back to the park to play for a while longer. 

Then we went on home.  We were all hungry, so I popped some popcorn.  I topped it with olive oil and sea salt and had a glass of milk to round out my good health guidelines for the day.

For dinner, Raj and Deven ate some gross thing with hot dogs :( and I ate a stir fry of veggie crumbles and stir fry veg. I also had a chocolate pudding with some pineapple and had a couple of pumpkin beers to round out the day.  I was still marginally hungry for some reason, but I chocked that up to the kind of residual hunger I always have after days of binging.  I ignored it and drank a bit more water. 

I used 14 extra points yesterday.  I typically do this on Sunday.  I aim to use no more of them this week, but might end up doing it, as I endeavor to finally start using my good health guidelines to my advantage.

I am determined to claw my way back on track and to keep this ship sailing in the right direction.  I will make my goals.  I get as many restarts as I need.  One of my favorite bloggers, Aimee reminded me that this journey isn't about being perfect all the time, it's about making one decision at a time and usually making the right choices.   I needed that reminder and I thank you, Aimee.  You are the best :)

My dear friend from high school challenged me to do a half marathon with her next year.  I don't know if it is even possible for me to be that fit, but I am going to give it my best. For sure.

Today, I started the day with 3 great choices. 

Choice 1) I made my breakfast the night before.  It was healthy and it was ready for me when I was ready for it.  I used Kath's receipe receipe as a blueprint to make my own version of Overnight Oats.  My differences are subtle.  Mainly I didn't put the crunch in and instead of the nut butter, I put in some peanut flour.   As I hopefully adjust my snacking needs downward, I hope to be able to switch it up and use the actual nut butter.   In my opinion, this mix of food comes out to be incredibly delicious.

Choice 2) I woke up right away when the alarm went off.  I went to the bathroom and put on a sports bra.  I put in a workout DVD and did a 15 minute cardio workout.  I know this isn't much, but it is a big start for me.  I think it woke up my body in a really great way.  Tomorrow, I will add in some strength training.  I think doing this will keep me from talking myself out of exercise.    I felt motivated to do this because I just woke up at my normal time, but because breakfast was already ready, I could take the time to do it.

Choice 3)  As I mentioned earlier, I am really working on getting in my good health guidelines.  I usually fall off on the milk requirement, so I made some Chai this morning and iced it and brought it to work.

I feel like I have made some excellent choices to start my day.  After work, the dog and I are going to run C25k Week 5, run 1.  I know I can do it, even as the program gets harder and harder.  I am far stronger than I give myself credit for.

How about you all.  What are YOU doing positive for you today?

Best,
Emily

Doing Ok

I went to Iowa for my 20 year class reunion last weekend.  I really enjoyed myself but somehow came home 7 lbs up. I am seriously not sure, because there was very little vegetarian food around.

 Right now, I am about 4 lbs up.   Disappointing how fast I gain and how slowly I lose.  Whatever, I will just soldier on.

I've been really stressed lately.  My sister is going through some stuff and here I am in Wisconsin, not down there helping her out.  I don't know what help I could actually be, but I am sure moral support would be helpful.  I will just call her a lot and hope that she keeps on soldiering on.

I haven't had a bunch to say lately.  I'm here, doing what I need to do, but am not terrifically exciting lately. 

I've been doing Couch to 5K.  I just finished week 5.  Things are about to get real. 

I can do it!

Today's Weigh In Day.

I don't anticipate a great weigh in.  I did everything right, but that's how it shakes out sometimes.

It's most likely going to be either a small gain or a maintain.  I will just keep doing what I am supposed to do and I will get there.

Great day yesterday.  I did the Dirty Girl Mudrun yesterday and had a riot.


Today, we are planning on taking Deven to a small amusement park.

I love this life.

This week

It's near certain I will earn both the nail polish and LUSH bath rewards.  To miss it, I would have to go off the deep end pretty badly.  I've already done a min of 20 minutes of exercise 4 times and I have a run tomorrow.  It's the Dirty Girl Mudrun.  I'm very concerned because I haven't trained for it AT ALL and am feeling pretty weak, but I know that worse comes to worse, I walk the whole thing, or most of it and that's no big deal at all.  It's the last time I am running this race, because I really don't like how little of the entry fee goes to cancer.  There are tons of events out there with far more going to the charity, so there you have that.

I still have 12 extra points, but I've been eating so much produce that I can't imagine throwing in another snack.

I am disappointed, though.  I went for my first run in several weeks on Wednesday and it was TERRIBLE.   I managed one run of five minutes and one run of three minutes and then pooped out.  I am going to roll it back to week three and see if I can't get myself back up into it.   I know I *CAN* run. I have done it before.  It's a matter of reminding myself that I can and working back into it.  One thing I have been working on is getting less fatigued by hills.  I've never done a race that didn't have at least one fairly intense hill, so obviously, if I can't run a hill, I can't do much racing.

I am weird.  I don't like to run. AT ALL.  But I LOOOOVE to finish running. and I love being in a race.  Although racing near me is a feat, as I largely spend my time swearing and complaining.   I feel so strong and proud when I am done.   I don't need to be a great runner, a fast runner, even to be able to run 5k without walking.  I just need to feel strong and proud.   

I feel like I am in a good headspace right now and I am going to work to stay here.  I don't dislike this feeling.

Take care of yourselves.